I started this project in the summer of 2023. It's remarkable seeing how my message has transitioned from where I first started. fgsl (for god so loved) is a realization on my identity and faith, a journey to reconciliation.
At its core, fgsl is a story of love and acceptance. Christians are taught to love one another. However, in practice, this love is conditional. Lines are drawn, walls are built, and people are marginalized. I felt torn as I watched the communities I once belonged to hurt people they preached to love.
In response, fgsl was born. I gathered friends; they brought their flowers. Like the flowers of Eden, and every intentional creation of the Lord, what he had made was very good, and there was evening, and there was morning. The portraits are a reminder that every person is purposeful, and inherently beautiful in the eyes of their creator.
Personally, this project carries a different weight. It represents my struggle toward gradual self-acceptance. It was about leaving the comfort of homogeneity. In a new environment, it was about meeting different people, viewing the world through their eyes, and learning to see multiple narratives. I could be many things. Who I was, who I am, and who I was becoming did not have to adhere to a fixed trajectory. Contradiction was part of the process.
What started as a project to show others that God loved them for who they were, ended as a reminder that I too am loved. Even in times I feel incomplete, in times where I fall short, in times I feel I've gone back to my self-destructive habits, even when I am undeserving, God continues to love.
This was my first portrait series, and there are many things I could have done differently. Alas, I'm proud of the outcome.
To everyone who has stepped in front of my lens: thank you for trusting me.
There are many people throughout my life that I feel extremely lucky to have crossed paths with. I feel God has intentionally placed them to show me different ways to love.
To 윤영, my day one since forever. Thank you for showing me what steadfast unwavering love and fierce loyalty look like for nearly 13 years.
To 예진, thank you for being by my side through the turbulence of our college years. We are so different in character, but I feel that you are the yin to my yang.
To 하은, thank you for always making me feel like a bigger person than I actually am. For making me feel like I could be someone who can be relied on.
To 다은, thank you for showing me forgiveness, acceptance, and love even though I was not so nice to you from the beginning.
To Amber, thank you for your honesty, even when it was hard for me to hear. I know it comes from love and care and I'm grateful you've stood by me through our differences.
To Mariia, thank you for teaching me grounded patience and sharing your deep wisdom especially when your circumstances were also at times not so forgiving.
To Novia & Grace, I always thought maintaining long-distance friendships was near impossible. Thank you for showing up for me despite the distance and sitting with me in very difficult conversations, close and far in proximity.
To Heather, for your never-ending whimsy. For always making me laugh when I want to cry. Talking with you genuinely lights up my day.
To Soobeen, thank you for teaching me compassion and grace, to friends, family, community but most importantly to myself. I still hold that with me today.
To Jiwon, for sharing my emotions and crying my tears when I had no strength to feel them out myself.
To Paula, for being the best roommate I could have. Thank you for teaching me love that is always giving and patience that doesn't weigh or measure.
To Christina, thank you for showing me what it means to have a sister in Christ. Being with you gives me a profound sense of confidence I cannot describe.
To 정영원 & 윤은미샘, thank you for being my mentor, guide, and treating me like your second daughter. I am here because of your support.
To mom & dad, thank you for loving me in your own awkward ways. Thank you for being patient with me and being family for me even on days when I tried to completely shut you out, out of fear and insecurity.
& finally to 은채, thank you. There are no words that are enough to describe how much I cherish our sisterhood and your companionship. If I could give you the world, I would, knowing you would actually make it a better place.
I used to define myself by my trauma, my hardships, what I was missing in my childhood or how I was hurt by others. I complained about my circumstances and I hated myself for the virtues I lacked. I continued to see myself in my brokenness, but only recently did I realize that within the brokenness, there were and are so many people that have held me together. I'm by no means perfect, and there are still times when I struggle to give myself grace, but it's thanks to you all that I am standing a little more grounded, a little more experienced, and a little more whole.